Be wary of broken browsing

Those of you who are stil checking the homepage will notice that it’s been replaced with a teaser page for the relaunch.

What this firstly means is that we are definitely going to be returning on December 1st, with our brand new layout, and a host of new features for you.

What it secondly, and more importantly means, is that background work is now going on, such as placing the new versions of webpages and such up. Thus, if you try manually navigating to a page you used to visit, you will likely find the site in a state of disrepair as alterations are made over the course of the next five days.

Case in point: the links.htm file, which is an IFrame in both the previous site design and this new design, has been changed to something drastically different, and will result in your inability to navigate the site anymore.

All kinds of epic

There are now just 8 days left until the relaunch of Boring Internet, and as such it’s time to begin prepping you fuckers for the event.

Firstly, and most importantly, layout changes. I had previously stated that there would be no layout changes with this update because of the seemingly constant changes made (2008 has so far seen 3 drastically different designs). The new layout will be based largely on the old one, and as such the changes will not be made graphically, but in the structure. The website is a maze of content, making browsing difficult; as such, a new navigation bar will be added along the left side of the website, removing the current tiny box for links. There will also be some new ‘things’ along the right-hand side, but I won’t elaborate on those yet because I’m a sly motherfucker.

Secondly, and still fairly important; features. With the update comes a much looser update schedule. Expect updates daily still, but don’t expect things to be quite so firm as I flit between our wealth of features and content doing what I please when I like. As such, some previously weekly features (ie. the A-Z) will not be strictly weekly anymore. Comics that are released on set days, however, will still hold true to their particular days.

New features are also abound, one of which is the mythical thing on the right-hand side of the site. I won’t elaborate on that yet (it’ll likely be a surprise), but it’s not an awesome feature, just something quite nice for those of you who like – oh wait, I’ve said too much already. Otherwise, Luke’s new strange offering, The Adventures of Fuckwit the Wizard, will be joining the armada of comics, and Stuart’s new novella, The Cell, will be joining our fiction department.

Thirdly, miscellaneous crap. Particularly, skins, which I have been excited about for a while. They almost definitely won’t be coming in this update but will instead hopefully turn up later in December or early next year. I apologise for that, but during the sabbatical I didn’t do much work on stuff for the update, aside from planning.

I would also like to take this opportunity to apologise for the sabbatical: what was hoped to be little more than a two-week break has extended into a six-week sordid affair. However, in 8 days it will come to an end, bringing about an end to poverty and hunger worldwide, and also causing spontaneous world peace.

Then, when people realise the site content is still relatively shit, those fixes will cease to exist. Life’s a bitch.

Relaunch

In 3 weeks

Boring Internet is back

THE BIASED

BORING COMICS

THE A-Z OF WHY THE INTERNET IS SHIT

SILLY POEMS AND NOT-SO-NICE NURSERY RHYMES

They’re all back

Along with brand new features

THE CELL, by Stuart Pryke

and

THE ADVENTURES OF FUCKWIT THE WIZARD, by Luke Hailey

3 weeks

21 days

Put it in your fucking diaries

December 1st 2008: We Are Reborn

December 1st 2008.

Boring Internet is reborn.

Be there.

Relaunch

Yes, we’re coming back.

 No, it won’t be during November.

 Yes, the blog will still be posted on from time-to-time to inform you of updates.

 No, the relaunch won’t be super interesting.

 Yes, it will coincide with the Winter 2008 update.

 No, loads of new stuff is not abound (though plans may change).

 Yes, it will be awesome.

The Back Seat

Hey folks!!

Now that the blogpost has begun with an overly happy note to make everything seem fine, I would just like to inform you that everything is not fine and I am currently suffering from the wonderfully shitty thing we like to call depression. Without starting some kind of new Diary of an Emo series, I will tell you that my life is ever so, ever so shit right now and I am in no mood to do anything other than the necessary functions for my temporary continued survival.

With this in mind, the website is taking a back seat until I can actually force myself to not only try to be funny, but to do it regularly and churn things out. Do not expect updates of any kind for the time being. This, unfortunately, includes The Biased, which is my magnum opus on the site.

Once things are back on track and my brain isn’t being fucked over by thoughts of plague and death and other emo shit like that, regular service will be resumed.

[Tobias Stanhope/Randall Anderson/Eli Picking - they're all dead]

October

A few random website tidbits you ought to be informed of, for the month of October.

Firstly, Twist is going on a hiatus this month. October 25th will see the release of chapter 20, then the novel will take a break for the PoD version of Twist to be released. As promised multiple times in the past, the entirety of Twist will be published for free on the website; for now, though, there will be a multiple-month break, ending sometime in early 2009, before the rest of the novel sees a continued release.

Secondly, The Biased’s first chapter will be finished this month, the final page released on October 30th. This chapter will thusly be 16 pages long – that’s at a squeeze, having to force the final part of this chapter’s story down into as few pages as possible without hindering it at all. Chapter 2 will then begin in November, the cover and first page both released on November 3rd, and the usual page-per-update from then onwards.

Thirly, relating more to the future, I am looking for new writers on the site. Let me know somehow if you’re interested.

You’re on the wrong website again

This is where you’re supposed to be.

Exercise bike

After about 14 weeks of exercise bike fun, my one finally decided to give up. Or, that is, I decided to retire the bastard because it’s fucked up as hell.

About 6 weeks ago, something made a horrible clunking noise inside the case of the bike. After that, the computer stopped working; unable to then count how many miles I’d done and for how long, I decided instead to make do and simply time myself for an hour and 40 minutes. Simple enough.

A week later, something snapped inside the case. All sense of tension control was gone. Again, I made do, despite things being significantly fucking easier.

This week, it’s been creaking a shitload, and whatever holds the pedals in place was shifting around a lot. So today, after 20 minutes on the damn thing, I got so pissed off I decided to unscrew the case and see just what the problem was.

Turns out, all my cycling has effectively destroyed the bike. I’ve managed to wear right through a massively thick bit of leather, which was in charge of counting distance on the computer clock. That explains the computer clock not working. Whatever broke causing the tension control to stop working, I don’t know, because I couldn’t find it.

But the main thing was the pedals. I found out the creaking and pedal movement is because I’ve actually used the bike so much, the metal holding it together has broken fully apart in one place, and a hole has been ripped in another that is gradually spiralling outwards.

I’m packing the thing up tomorrow and taking it back to Argos. Apparently, they’ll either repair it (unlikely, as it’s fucked), replace it (more likely) or give me a refund (not very likely but I hope I can get one – I’m done with cycling every day for now).

If I do get a replacement, you may see it on eBay. If you do, please pretend that I haven’t made this post about how destroyed it ended up getting after so much use. Pretend, instead, that I wrote a really happy positive review, and was so pleased I bought two exercise bikes, then realised my mistake and wanted to sell one. Then buy it.

Why are you here …

… when you should be here?